A definitive list of every 'Girl' you can possibly be, according to TikTok – The Tab

I’m the I No Longer Wish To Be Perceived Girl
Just when you thought being a girl couldn’t get any more complicated and existentially weird – we’ve now been tasked with working out which TikTok category we actually fit into. And if you’re half-one aesthetic and half-another? God help you.
Scientifically (but not really), there are only six types of Girl available. So if you find yourself unable to fit into any of these, what on Earth are you doing with your life? Change up your entire style, immediately.
Here’s a list of every Girl you can possibly be, according to TikTok:
Photo via @tattylomas on TikTok
Basically, this aesthetic is a hate crime against those who like to fall asleep (drunk) in their makeup and sustain themselves on oven pizzas only. In order to be a Clean Girl, you’ll need to be able to afford AT LEAST 70 different hair, skin and eye products. I mean, what else are you going to stock your rose-gold-marbled-skincare-mini-fridge with?
Clean Girls are always glowing – as if their skin was sculpted by Wet n Wild itself. Their lips are always glossy, and they’d never be seen dead without their clear, litre-bottle of spring water.
Photo via @lizzo on TikTok
In my humble opinion, Hot Girl is the best “Girl” aesthetic on TikTok, because it’s really what you make of it. Want to drink lemon water and do sit-ups? Fancy painting your lips black and piercing your eyebrow? Thinking of eating chips with curry sauce and drinking margs all night? Congrats! You’re a Hot Girl.
Hot Girls live their best life. That’s it. That’s the post.
Photo via @snackqueen666 on TikTok
AKA “Rat Girl.” This one’s for the girls who only wash once a week. The girls with nails, chewed down to the nub. The girls who dress in everything-fast-fashion because of “greenwashing” (when, in reality, they never paid attention to the sustainability conversation anyway). They go out every other night, never actually meeting anyone because they’re too busy crawling on the floor, re-adjusting a popped out boob or running out the door shouting “KEBAB.” And you know what? They’re the damn backbone of this society.
Most Clean Girls are actually like this, by the way. Deep down.
Photo via @emalygisell on TikTok
Who’s That Giiiirrrrl? Probably not you.
This girl is much more intimidating than the Clean Girl? Know why? Because she has ALL her shit together. She doesn’t just drink a bit of water and do a bit of skin care – oh no. She’s making green smoothies every morning. She knows every Chloe Ting workout back-to-front. Her entire wardrobe? Zara.
She wears white blazers with cycle shorts and it’s like, Her Thing. She doesn’t get out of breath walking up stairs. Her coffee order is NO coffee because she doesn’t drink caffeine, only matcha.
Photo via @hattie.rowe on TikTok
Okay, I know what you’re picturing. A woman in her mid-thirties, wearing a pinstriped powersuit, asking an insignificant man for a Frappuccino. But, in reality, that isn’t the case at all.
A girlboss is essentially just the girl (who once bullied you in school) selling pyramid products on Facebook. Her bio probably says “small business owner” and she constantly sends you e-vites to her product garden parties. She doesn’t realise she’s losing money rather than making it, and she starts all her messages with “hey hun.”
Photo via @tominzay on TikTok
This girl’s probably sat in a corner with her Sally Rooney book collection, fantasising about life in a remote Yorkshire village. She doesn’t want to have a grown-up job – she just wants to raise forest critters in her thatched cottage and bike to the local coffee shop for lattes and a slice of walnut cake. And we’ll let her!! Because it’s what she deserves.
Featured image via TikTok before edits.
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